Anticipating a tedious journey I grabbed an ‘action’ paperback before boarding a long haul flight. Not the first one I’d read of course and not the first time either I’d felt that what I was reading was at best, weak.
The novel in question had been written by a well known author, had many favourable (if unsupportable) reviews and was available in many languages…..soon to become an idiotic TV ‘mini-series’ …..and a truly ludicrous computer game.
So I resolved to write the sort of novel that publishers were accepting; as similar as I could make it to the frankly unbelievable one I was reading on that flight.
I planned initially to insert an asterisk to forewarn the reader of each cliché, idea or phrase I’d plagiarised from other novels, but abandoned that idea as there would be asterisks everywhere.
However, in Montevideo I then came across the following novel, which seemed to fulfill current publishing requirements exactly, whilst being almost certainly the worst novel ever written… a sweeping testament to monumental literary ineptitude….makes Bulwer-Lytton look like Gustave Flaubert…..
Does for writing what Les Dawson did for piano playing….
To quote Oscar Wilde:
“One must have a heart of stone to read (Dicken’s) the death of little Nell without laughing.”
“Only by immersing ourselves in the absurd might we glimpse something different in the distance…..” DWJ